I have always been interested in the supernatural and wanted to have supernatural experiences and encounters. I was really interested in witches, wizard, and magic. This was more than an interest in fictional stories centering around characters that practiced magic. I wanted to do it for myself.
When I was 7 or 8 I was introduced to the idea that the spirit world was real and that I could interact with it. This really intrigued me. Right on the heels of this revelation a friend of mine at school told me that she was, in fact, a witch and that she had a spell book and was able to do some extraordinary things as a result of performing the spells detailed in the pages. I don’t know if this was true or not but I believed her. Needless to say, I wanted what she had. She told me that if I wanted to do the things she was describing she could teach me. Without hesitation, I took her up on the offer.
We began talking about this every day on the playground. The first interaction after our initial conversation was when she recited some phrases, she said she had learned from her book, and made me a witch. I felt something in me change. I was hooked. Over the next few days, she began to teach me that there was a being that was equal with God and sat next to him in heaven. He had all of the same powers as God and that he would give them to me if I only asked she said his name was Lucifer. At the time this name had no meaning to me. I wanted what she had so badly that I believed her and consequently began speaking to Lucifer on a regular basis. Things progressed from there, we built what we called an altar, out of rocks, on the playground and would meet there to talk and worship.
I don’t know how long we continued to have these playground meetings for, but eventually ,she lost interest…I did not. I continued the practice in solitude. I eventually made the correlation between Lucifer and Satan, but at that point, it didn’t matter. I continued the practice of praying to Lucifer until I was about 13 or 14.
It was around 13 or 14 that I got incredibly frustrated. I was frustrated with Lucifer for not giving me the power that was promised to me. I did believe there was a God but I didn’t think he cared anything about me, especially after what I had done, and even if he did I still wouldn’t experience the power that I craved. So I just gave up.
As I mentioned in my last post I was already experiencing a lot of depression anxiety but when I gave up things changed. Now I was not only depressed but I was also being tormented by bloody, horrific images in my mind. Images of demons, people being tortured, and lots and lots of blood. I had nightmares, was afraid to sleep alone, and incredibly scared of the dark. As I got older I started cutting my arms with razors and the images I was seeing only got worse. By the time I got to college I couldn’t handle it anymore. I had at this point
By the time I got to college I couldn’t handle it anymore. I had at this point accepted Jesus and knew there was freedom from what I was experiencing I just did not know how to attain it. I did the only thing that I knew to do and went to the doctor and told him what I was experiencing. He put me on some drugs and sent me home. The medication that he prescribed did not help so I started smoking marijuana fairly frequently to relieve pain.
After a year of smoking, I decided that I should probably quit. When I did all of the torment that I was experiencing came rushing back. It was more than I could handle. I wanted to kill myself and others. I told my doctor about this and he recommended that I see a psychologist.
I told the psychologist he recommended what I was going through and that I was contemplating suicide and murder. She recommended hospitalization. It was finals week at school when she recommended this so we worked out a deal that I could finish the semester before I was admitted to the psych hospital as long as I was under constant supervision. I complied.
After being released from the hospital I returned to college. The new medications that I was taking helped me cope for the most part. The visions stopped and I no longer felt the need to kill myself or anyone else. I was in a much better place than what I was but the medication was only masking the pain and the real issue. Even thought the medication was only masking the pain it did put me in a place where I could begin to work on my issues.
I love to read and during this time somebody had sent me a book on God’s love. I can not remember what the book was called or even what it was that I read but the idea was introduced to me that God could heal and take away my pain. I was elated! After reading this I felt that I could go off of my medication. I stopped taking it that next day.* I was surprised that the visions and thoughts of suicide and homicide did not return. I knew that I still had stuff I needed to deal with but the torment was gone.
Over the next few years, I continued to battle depression and every now and then the vision would return. It was rough not only for me but also for my wife. I knew that something had to change. Through a friend, I was introduced to a new methodology for dealing with pain. It is called a Rapid Mind Renewal session or RMRs these sessions are facilitated encounters with the Holy Spirit in which you revisit past hurts and memories and allow Him to heal the pain and reveal truth to you about Himself, the memory, and your identity. I knew that I had to have one. I went into my first session not really knowing what to expect. It blew my mind! It was an incredibly transformative experience, but the story of my first session will have to wait for another day. It is my second session that I want to talk about here.
As I sat in the chair for my second session, the facilitator began to pray all the memories of praying to Satan on the playground came rushing back to my memory. It was overwhelming. As the Holy Spirit and I worked through the memory, with the help of the facilitator, I began to feel more and more free. I felt the demons and familiar spirits that I had opened myself up to leave me. It was incredible! The physical symptoms I would experience in my body when I was anxious or depressed had vanished! But it didn’t stop there.
Towards the end of the session, the Holy Spirit brought me back to the playground where all of this had started. He showed me myself standing in the altar we had made, but I wasn’t alone. Jesus was there with me! I was very surprised. How could Jesus be a part of what I was doing? The Holy Spirit told me that it did not matter what I was doing that Jesus loved me and was always with me. As I stood there looking at Jesus I noticed he had a bucket in one of his hands. He walked over to me and tipped the bucket over my head. The liquid inside was red warm and sticky. It was His blood! He told me that in His blood was freedom, healing, forgiveness, and peace and I was covered in it and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it! He also told me that I always had been covered in it! I had always been covered by His love. It was an incredibly awesome experience.
The session ended and I opened my eyes, but nothing looked the same. Something had happened to my eyes! Every color was so much brighter. I was seeing colors that I had never seen before. I realized that all my life my vision had been hazy and I had never truly seen color before. Needless to say, my mind was blown. Over the next few days, I realized I wasn’t depressed anymore. It was a strange feeling. I was happy! I can honestly say that I had never felt that before.
It has been over a year since that session. The depression and torment that I was experiencing have not returned. I am happy! Happier than I have ever been before! I share all of this with you to tell you there is freedom. It does not matter what you are involved in or what you have done He loves you! He has always loved you! He wants to see you set free of the torment you are experiencing and He is right there with you to take away the pain! What he has done for me I know He will do for you!
*I am not advocating that anybody stop taking prescribed medication. For me, this was the right decision but that does not mean that it would be for others. If you feel that this is something you need to do carefully consider this decision with the Holy Spirit and discuss it with trusted spiritual leaders, family, friends, and your doctor.